I am a girl, and today is Monday, and it sucks. It’s been a long day, and I have a migraine, and I wanted to go home since before I left. Today is the day you decided what you wanted. That you wanted to talk about it some more, but you know, I’m honestly confused about what more there is to talk about. I hate you. I mostly hate the fact that I don’t really hate you at all.
I am still a girl. You are still a boy. This all still sucks. Our project was due today, thanks for the criticism of my part. Hey, maybe if you had done anything, it would have been better. You had me laughing all day and told me I looked nice. Great adjective, right? I don’t even know what that means. I spent two hours dissecting it with my friend.
Today was a good day.
Good morning, happy hump day. But I’m not that camel from the commercial so I don’t exactly share the same enthusiasm. I’m feeling pretty inadequate so check mark for Wednesday. I am tired of sidestepping reality, and I would like to channel Taylor Swift and write an obnoxious song about you. Except you’re not mine and you never have been.
Plus I doubt Taylor Swift would call you an arrogant jackass. Not really her style.
You aren’t here today. I’m there, but I’m not really.
I know it’s messed up.
I miss you.
I spend too much time lost in my own head today, remembering why we started this.
I see you later and we remedy the gaping holes in the infrastructure of us. We take a drive, and the whole time the windows are down, and it’s actually kind of perfect.
So now it’s Friday and it has been a long week. I’m still a girl. You’re a boy. But not just a boy: the boy, my boy. I wear a dress and spin around before I leave. Movies tonight, you pick me up at 7.
Up down up down up down up down.
Emotional roller coaster. Makes my stomach do three times as many flips as any real-life rollercoaster. Also, amusement parks are just not sanitary.
Good bad good bad good bad good bad.
I’m not really into superlatives either.
I rather like this one steady, constant stream of happy.
Everything was perfect last night but today you woke up and decided to hate me.
You tell me I’m incoherent; I don’t understand you; I’m moody and change my mind far too often. You yell a lot.
You tell me I’m thoughtless, careless, tactless, fearless.
I do not know how to feel about the fact that my existence is seemingly entirely comprised of –lesses.
I feel like I know this can’t be good for me or you or anyone. At the very least, I don’t think this is how this love stuff is supposed to go. Yes. I most definitely do feel like I know this can’t be good.
night ends with your arms around me, and so I let it go this time.
After all, I am only a girl.